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Hello, you're listening to called the Homeschool episode #290 Creating an Intentional Family and interview with Karen Bates.
Hey, friends, welcome back.
It's me, your host, Meg Thomas, and I am here with a very special guest, Karen Bates.
I'm Karen.
0:17
Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about who you are?
Hi, thanks so much for having me.
I really super appreciate it.
So like I said, my name's Karen Bates.
I have been homeschooling my kids for oh, since my oldest was now 24 is she's 25 since she was in 3rd grade.
0:36
So for a long time, I have eight kids and yeah, just been doing this online.
Yeah.
So Karen is our, our kids knew each other well, but I think we've only maybe met one time personally.
But I, I, I love her children.
0:52
So that speaks a lot about your family life.
But from what I know, you are a very intentional parent, yes?
Yeah, I would say so.
Yes.
So tell a little bit about because this is what your family is doing now because I think this will appeal to a lot of people of what journey your family has been on.
1:15
The last is a year or two.
Yeah.
Well, we've been living in Mexico for a five year, but the whole process getting there, it's been a few years, yeah.
OK.
So tell us a little bit about what you're doing in Mexico, what led you there and we'll start there.
So, yeah, I think that probably everyone who homeschools us has to be an intentional person, right?
1:35
Like it's not like the regular path.
And that's kind of where we started was this kind of taking our own intentional path.
And little by little, like we decided to do on a service trip, right?
I thought like it would be something that would be great for my kids to, to experience and to see like outside of their own world, what it would be like to live somewhere else and to have these experiences.
1:55
And so we picked an orphanage and an organization and we went on our first orphanage trip in December of 2020.
And it was just extremely life changing for all of us.
My mom was, I knew that it would be tricky for me to go on this trip because my mom was actually was an orphan in Mexico.
2:14
And so I thought, you know, this might be kind of triggering up something that her experiences and, and the things that I knew she went through.
So when we went and we met these kids and they were like so ready to serve and so ready to like help us into I just wanted to belong.
And I just saw my mom in their eyes, you know, like this feeling of like, I just want you to like me and to, and to want me and to this feeling of wanting to belong somewhere.
2:36
And so we just were really close sponsor them in a very short time.
We were only there for for five days.
But the whole drive home, I was just crying about the fact that we were leaving them and, you know, without a mom, without these, this love.
And I mean, they, they had obviously like each other and, and people there, but it was obvious that they just needed something more, you know, so I prayed a lot about like, oh, how can we help?
3:00
And at that trip home, I thought a lot about like, well, I want them to know their love.
So I wrote them each like a letter to help them see some of the qualities I saw on them.
I remembered my mom saying, you know, when I was little, that helped that one person shared and and showed me that I could I matter to somebody.
3:18
I thought I could at least do that.
And then I kept having this thought about, I had written a book to help kids find their path.
And I thought I could turn this into like a A class and then like a humanitarian sort of school, we would do entrepreneurship projects and things and help the kids raise money so that they could also go and meet these kids and they would have a bigger source of support.
3:40
You know, I knew a lot of loving families that could provide more love for these kids.
And so we started that a little later and we did, we're able to take a lot more orphanage trips out there with these different groups and these different families and provide them more love and more support.
And it just kind of started us thinking along these lines of is there like, so we, we met a lot of teenagers especially that seem to have this strong desire to just be heard, you know, for someone to listen to what they wanted and their feelings in an institution.
4:11
It's tricky because there's so many kids and you have to just kind of make sure the kids are following the rules and, and if they get, don't follow the rules, that they get consequences.
It's very strict.
And there's very, it's difficult for them to feel like I can talk to someone about what I want.
And so we just started to think a lot about like, what is it that we could help them in this thing?
4:32
Like we see, we saw a lot of them running away because they were trying to fill this need.
And we would come back every time and some of them would be gone that we had come to love.
And, and after they would contact me like a couple of months after they'd run away or something through Facebook, they'd be like, hey, you know, This is why I left and this is where I'm at.
4:50
I remember 1 kid in particular.
She was like, I'm on the streets.
I don't have anywhere to go.
I don't know what to do.
Like, I just know that if I turn my step, but I'm hungry, you know, but if I turn myself in, I'll get sent to this to a rehab place for runaways.
And it's terrible there.
And I just felt like, wow, they have very few options.
5:08
Like they, this kid really wanted to be a good person.
Like we would when we do devotionals with him at the orphanage, he just like, oh, can we memorize that song and sing it as a group?
And like, he just really had this strong desire.
Like, I want to change the the cycles before me.
And so many of them did, but there were so few resources, you know, it was the streets or these places that they didn't feel loving.
5:31
And so I was like, I just kept telling my family like, you know, if we lived in Mexico, maybe we could provide a place like that somehow, you know, and at first I was like, oh, that's crazy.
We can do that, you know, and kind of just for a couple of years, just like a pipe dream, you know, like, what if, you know, and I kind of start envisioning what we would provide and what we would create, but it seemed impossible.
5:53
My husband is a occupational therapist, a rehab.
He he does management.
And so it wasn't like he could do that online.
You know, it wasn't like something we could just be like, oh, we could just do this in Mexico.
So it just felt kind of impossible.
But the thought was there.
And this creation started to happen in my brain.
6:09
And my kids too, were like, maybe we could do more.
And so I eventually my husband just wrote me an e-mail.
And he's like, you know, I just had this moment of clarity where I think, like, maybe we should just not go.
Let's just go all as a family, as you know, pretend to do something.
If it doesn't work out, then we can't always come back, you know, And so that's kind of how it started this, this desire.
6:30
And eventually we went and we saw some land and we bought it and started building.
And that's what we've been doing this last year is living there, starting to try to get some of these programs going and build some relationships.
And we got our home built.
We have a ropes course that Benjamin Allen from class ropes course donated.
6:47
We paid for the materials that he donated all the time and everything to to get it built for us so that we could have these like transformation experiences for these youth and families that can be visit.
And so we're starting to get going.
It's just still very, the very beginning phases and and there's just a lot to do still, but it's, you know, coming together little by little with that Little Dream, that little thought that started back in 2020.
7:10
Isn't it so interesting?
Because I think little thoughts like that are really put in there by God, right?
And isn't it's beautiful.
Did you grow up in Mexico as well?
I lived there till I was seven.
I didn't OK but.
OK, but like how beautiful.
7:25
So I'm guessing you have citizenship.
Does your kids have dual citizenship have like little things that like lined up perfectly so you guys could go right it's.
So true.
It's true.
I've seen a lot of little like, oh, this was obviously like found way before us, even to the point like this is kind of a cool story.
7:44
We to build the ropes course.
We had Rob Benjamin was going to bring all these big long poles cause all those trees in our, in our land were kind of small, more younger trees.
And we needed big, the heavy trees, right, or big poles to make this ropes course.
So he was bringing those all in with his truck.
7:59
He was driving all the way from Utah.
He's incredible.
And my dad was helping driving a different truck to be more of the supplies.
And at the border, they got stopped and they're like, you can't bring in any wood.
That's a new policy.
We don't allow it.
So they tried like 3 different times, two different ways and they just eventually went, we have to leave this one in Texas.
8:16
So he left it in Texas.
And then they drove the rest of the supplies.
But they're like, you're going to have to find some trees or see if you can buy some holes while we're driving so that when I get there, we actually have something to do.
And so we started like looking on our land and I, we went through one path and I remember having seen like a big tree somewhere and a different path, but I was just following the guy that seemed to know what he was doing.
8:38
And then he's like, you know, it's getting kind of windy.
It's probably time to stop.
I was like, can we just go try this other place that I remember seeing?
He's like, well, you guys can try, but I think I should probably go.
So we went with, with another guy that was also with us that agreed to try it with us.
And, and like a couple of members of Benjamin Allen's crew from classrooms course that had gotten there early to build this.
9:00
And so we went to look at this other path.
And I, I was about to turn where the tree was that I remember seeing, but I accidentally took our turn a little before it and we went in this other little path.
I was like, wait, maybe this isn't the right path.
And then it opened up to like this little Grove where these big like supposed trees that are like the strongest wood kind of started to pop up.
9:19
And they were like in this little Grove almost that were like perfect from this ropes course.
And I remember like we were all just kind of astounded, like Joey, one of the guys that was there from class shops, he's like, these are like perfect, you know, how did that happen?
And and just little things like, wow, these trees are like here for forever ago and then here we are.
9:37
And then they're just they're with them.
So you do see like God counting things from way before, like the thought for the trees in order for you to accomplish some of these things that.
You, yeah, you have adult children as well as kids living at home.
So how many kids are with you and how many kids stayed in the States?
9:57
So initially I had a son on a mission when we left and my daughter, my oldest daughter was going to come and then she met a guy and decided to stay and they evoking me but everybody else came with me.
So my daughter who is she was 19 at the time and everyone on down.
10:16
So my son that was 1715139 and six.
Yeah, King.
So how has that been navigating having some like some kids far away, like following this dream, but knowing like when you have a big family and they're spread out, right that like you're following your dream, but it and this design that God knows that you're the perfect person for, but it also creates a separation within your own children.
10:41
Like what does that process been like for you?
That's kind of hardest thing for sure.
Like I, my mother heart wants to be close to my kids always, right?
So like, I want them over for Sunday dinner and just like I want to have that closeness.
And initially when we started planning this, I thought that they were all coming.
10:59
And so I don't even know if I would have gone as far as I did if I had known that they weren't all going to be there.
But once we were at the point where we were going and she was like, actually, I don't think I'm going to go.
And I was kind of like, what?
And I, I gotten angry at that.
I was like, this was not part of the plan I had.
I was expecting to go with everyone and we're going to have this whole cool family experience.
11:17
I don't want to leave her behind.
And it just kind of started to come to like, you know, she's like, mom, it's going to be OK.
I can come visit because it'll be part of the work.
I can share things online.
And it's going to be, we're still doing this together, you know?
And so it started to feel a little bit more like, OK, it's still like, I don't know where they're all going to end up that they're going to move out of state.
11:38
You know, in the end, you don't know where your older kids are going to end up feeling called to go.
I can't keep them with you always all the time, as much as I would like to.
And so it just became like, it's different because when your child leaves you, it feels like, well, that's their path.
But it felt almost like that she I'm leaving her.
11:54
That's not that doesn't feel right, you know, but she was very sweet about like assuring me, I still come to this often.
And she was there for a couple months this summer.
And it was just a neat experience too, for all of us.
And I'm seeing how much they're learning too, from what we're trying to do.
And so I see it kind of as AI guess, I don't know if a lot of your listeners are what religion or whatever, but for us like this, this concept of, of building design of like this community or this place where we are just uplifting each other.
12:25
And that's kind of what it felt like.
Like maybe we're doing different things because everyone has different paths and callings in the family, different talents, but we're still uplifting and helping each other in our different ways.
So that's just different things.
So that's kind of where I started to.
Yeah, I I think it's powerful though, too, even though I can imagine how hard it was to leave a kid, right?
12:46
But just to just show that example of this is what I feel called to do.
And I mean, just even the the call to homeschool, it feels so scary, right?
And like I could never do this.
And and it's not the norm.
It's not what everybody else is doing.
And like, I wouldn't change it for the world.
13:03
I want to homeschool like all my grandkids, like I want to just keep going forever because I love it so much.
But it's just so interesting that as you are willing to take this huge leap of faith and literally leave country, right and go after this amazing thing that you feel called to.
13:19
I just wonder the example that it sets for your children is so much more powerful than just telling them follow your path.
Whatever you feel called to do, God will support you, but you're actually living it and going through the hardships of it.
The beauty of it, all of the things that they actually get to see, like, OK, if my mom can do this, my dad can do this, I can do it too.
13:41
And I just think that's so beautiful that you're having the faith to actually move forward with it.
Thank.
You my dad.
I think she helps a lot.
Yeah, So tell me about like, so you guys have been in Mexico now for a year, correct?
You said.
13:57
So what does homeschool look like in living by an orphanage, running an orphanage and still raising your babies?
And so right now we're currently in Texas.
We went to Utah for like 2 of my older kids got married and we realized we need to, before heading back, we need to make sure we have enough funding in order to get then to do the next phase, right?
14:22
Like we got certain things.
And right now we're just going to be scraping by unless we figure out how to actually do this nonprofit thing and have enough resources to be able to go back and, and, and keep building and going to the next phase of this project.
So that while we were there, we had, we met a sweet couple.
14:40
One of them was actually doing a lot of our building management and stuff.
And the wife, she actually homeschooled, which is very, very rare in Mexico and people don't do that.
But she had heard about it from a friend in Cancun.
And she started just kind of thinking about doing like her two kids.
And then she moved to this and she's so free know where we live.
14:58
And she was teaching her kids and she would notice kids outside.
And so she's like, why are you not in school?
And I'm like, oh, I got kicked out 'cause I'm too hyper or, oh, I couldn't learn to read.
And so they, and in Mexico outside as we have special programs doing this, you know, but they're just like, oh, you're not keeping up.
We can't help you.
So they just send them home and they just assumed they're going to end up not doing an education, you know.
15:17
And so she's like, yeah, she's like, well, I'm home.
She's.
So she talked to parents.
I'm teaching my kids, you want, if you want your child to come and learn too, I can teach your child to read or whatever because she just has this huge heart.
And so she started gathering these kids that were like without supervision or.
15:34
And so when we moved out there, when we went to buy the land, I met her and I just said, I need to get to know this really anymore.
So when we moved out there, I contacted her right away and I said, how can we help you?
She's like, oh, I just need help so much.
I have 12 kids now and I just would love some help with teaching them.
15:50
So we just started attending her little school.
It's like 4 hours a day, but so my kids would go do that and I would help with that.
And it was basically, you know, like the basic skills like arithmetic and reading and writing and, and, and Bible study and memorizing verses and things like that, which is cool, 'cause my kids wanted to learn Spanish, I did a terrible job about teaching them Spanish.
16:11
So we were learning Spanish at this little school and then we'd go home.
And then if there was other things like they had other books and stuff that they could read at home, but it was kind of an immersion experience into a different culture while still having these little skills being done.
I was still there with them, but it wasn't aim just with them.
16:28
You know, there's other kids involved.
So that's kind of how we see it moving forward even is having this experience where it's more like a homeschooling environment in the school, but with help and and tutoring and and different things for the kids as they need.
Yeah.
16:44
So with when you are able to go to Mexico, right, with your orphanage and everything, you're creating this program for teens.
Is it to find their own path?
Tell me a little bit about that.
Yeah, the book I wrote is is for that.
17:00
Like, it's really how I homeschooled my own kids and as and I wanted to have them know how to do that themselves, you know?
And so it's basically teaching them how to find their own like inspired goals.
I remember when I first came upon this concept, it was like, I don't want them to always be accountable to me.
17:19
Like, are you doing these things?
You know, And I kind of was more of an unschooler in my approach.
I gave them a lot of options, but there are certain things that I did think that, well, you should probably be doing this.
Like everyone needs to learn to read and learn these basic things.
And so we kind of set up like a skill system, like you do these skills and then learning time, you get to choose or whatever.
17:40
And I remember thinking like, OK, I don't want to always be accountable to me.
I want them to learn to build that relationship with God and to find what he wants for them, but he wants them to study or seize in them.
And so I started encouraging them to just have a prayerful conversation with them each day and and kind of write their own list of priorities and things that they wanted to do.
17:59
Remember my son Joshua?
He was eight at the time and he said, Mom, I prayed this morning and I didn't, I felt like I don't need to do math.
And I was like, OK, well, if that's how you feel, maybe you do need a break.
I don't know, like God knows better.
So you can you, you take a break for today, maybe ask again tomorrow.
18:16
And then a couple of 10 minutes later, he came back down there.
So I was just like, Mom, I actually think I didn't do math, you know, So it was like proof, proof that yeah, they they are capable of kind of seeing, I can give suggestions and ideas of what I see because, you know, I do have stewardship over them.
18:32
But ultimately I want them to have that accountability to, to, to be able to receive that revelation and to be able to report back to him when I'm not even in time in the picture.
So that's what this program that helps them do is like how to set inspired goals and then how to establish the systems in their life that helps you actually reach them.
18:49
Because, you know, we're all very good about like, oh, here's my goals, but it's so hard, especially for me, I have ADHD to actually be consistent in anything.
And so, and IA lot of my kids have that as well.
So to teach them like how do you set up systems that keep you motivated, excited about keeping on with the consistency and reaching these goals and, and having this motivation to do it for a higher purpose, you know?
19:11
Yeah, give me one example of something that you do of creating help, helping them create a system to achieve their goals, especially if they get distracted easily, right?
Yeah, so I would, I have them write their list, right.
19:26
So they're purple about it.
They kind of write a priority list of things like #1 would be important to do.
And then just kind of like the system would be in the afternoon, you check back and see how you did, you know, and if there's anything else you need to do.
And, and if there's anything else you don't expect you that you didn't write down in the morning, you know, And so just kind of having checkpoints throughout the day, there's a morning routine like there's like 5 different little checkpoints you have there or system that you build on each other.
19:55
And then after you kind of check and see where you're at.
And then there's like an evening time, you know, where you kind of have your own little system.
So it just kind of keeps you focused and keeps you centered on your Y as well.
So that's an important part of it is remembering that like at the beginning of each system.
I would think to have success with this, there'd need to be a couple different things.
20:15
One would be your relationship with your child that that is functioning so that they're, they're getting a positive interaction.
So I think when you can build an awesome relationship with the kid that sometimes it then starts to help them have a relationship with the deity, right, with the God.
20:34
Because it's like, oh, I, I get these positive relationships with somebody older than me, somebody with more experience than me.
So I think like that's a huge piece.
And then I would think another one would be also removing distractions.
So like I could see somebody saying like, go do whatever you want.
20:50
And then maybe a kids like, well, I prayed and I feel like I should just play video games all day long.
So talk to me like what are your thoughts with those two things?
Yeah, I agree with you helping them build a good relationship with you and then also with God.
So we tried to do a family morning devotional every day and I share with them what I'm learning and happy speaking to me.
21:10
And they start seeing that that's possible for them.
You know, I asked them every morning, like, what did you learn from your scripture studies?
And so everyone has a chance to kind of share and see that that there is communication that's available to them.
And then, yeah, I think a lot of times the things we put into our home can really distract our kids.
21:27
And, and it's our responsibility to decide like what actually comes into our home.
And, and I am I going to put a limit on it because it's not necessarily like I'm telling you, child, that you can't do this, but I'm putting a limit on this thing.
Like this is a distraction I brought into our home, which can be used for good.
21:46
But I want to make sure that we limit this theme to this amount of time so it doesn't overtake us.
And so I'm kind of more putting the limits on the theme, not necessarily on the child.
How to say like, you know, it might be something like, OK, we can do screens after 3:00 if you have a plan for how you're going to use them and, and things like that.
22:03
And so then it becomes like a tool and something that can like my son right now, he's like, OK, his, his screen time limit's set.
He's set for himself again, he's older.
So it was more like, what do you think your screen time limit should?
Because when we moved here, my mom let him use her phone and I worked like from there I was like, well, OK, we got to figure out a way to limit this.
22:24
And so he's like, OK, I, I want to have like 20 minutes of Instagram and sports highlights.
And then I want to learn about this and do my, you know, so well, first his math was first, but then after, you know, a certain time, who's going to do this?
And so I'm kind of just working with them and what they see what needs to happen when they're little or obviously you as a parent have to say, OK, this is only that at this time.
22:45
And just kind of really making sure that you're not putting things in your home that are actually hurting your kids if you don't have limits on them.
Yes, but I love the phrase you said is working with them, right?
So it's not controlling them, forcing them coercion of like my way or the highway.
23:05
Like it's really this beautiful relationship of you trusting God to then also teach your children to trust God and then like this beautiful relationship of trust so that they are watching your example of building this relationship.
23:20
And like you said that devotional time.
What did you guys learn in Scripture?
So in verse instead of are you all reading your scriptures versus like this morning I was studying the Psalms and I found this beautiful verse and this is how it really resonated with me.
And I realized I could be doing this better or like, I just felt God's love this morning on a walk when I saw this bird in this tree, right?
23:39
Whatever it is, you're just leaving this beautiful example.
But I think this is the big thing that parents get hung up on.
Is that working with your kids?
Because too often I see parents saying like my way or the highway because I said so.
And it just doesn't give you the positive fruits that a lot of parents want.
23:58
And so it's just this different paradigm shift of like God is the center of your home.
God has the center of your schooling and then allowing that trust.
And then there is some, I love to think of a shepherd, right?
So like a shepherd protects their flock.
But if you're out grazing, like you could have a big area that your kid can go out and explore, but you are there to guard and protect, right?
24:22
So from the wolves of the world, whether that is social media or something else, types of friends, different TV shows, just things of the world that you are there to protect your flock.
But then having faith that they will be wise as well.
But you're still there, being that shepherd, that good mother, protecting your babies.
24:42
Beautiful.
I love that.
Analogy.
So let's see, I had another tool for you.
I'm not a tool, I just read the word tool question for you.
So tell us a little bit about the book you wrote, the name of it, where could people find it?
And then tell us about the orphanage and how people could find out more information about that, if any they feel so inclined to help in that area.
25:07
As well.
Awesome.
Yeah, the book is actually not currently.
It's just being pre sold right now because I rewrote it and and it's being designed.
It's almost done and then it'll be honest.
So you can get on the website and and you can pre-order it right now to get on the e-mail list so that we can know when it's available as well and stuff like that.
25:27
What's?
The website.
So the website is Find your path mission.org.
OK, I'll put that in the show notes too.
And on there it has like past newsletters and just kind of where we're at and like a little bit of that shares like what we're doing.
25:45
If your audience is feels like inspired to share it with friends just to get more people involved in this because it is like I, as I see it, like we many of us have been blessed with so much that it's just nice to.
And, and I know everybody's in different circumstances and, and, but it's just nice to be able to feel like there are kids.
26:06
And this is maybe this is because I, my mom grew up as an orphan.
And so it just hit me so strong, like there are kids who need our love and this is one way to show it.
You know, like when we can donate monthly or we can get them a book or some way to show like there are people in the world that do care about you, you know, like you're not alone and so on.
26:28
There kind of talks about some of those stories.
I mean, if anybody feels compelled to share or to donate or in some way be involved in this work, that would be ready to go and find my permission about that.
OK.
And the same website then.
OK, awesome Karen, thank you for being such a lovely example of a God fearing woman, of protecting your babies, going after desires that God put into your heart and having that faith to do it, and then going out and turning around and helping other children succeed.
26:56
And I just, I think it's beautiful.
So thank you so much for coming on today.
Thank you.
Yes, have a good one.
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