Click below to listen to this episode on:
0:02
Hello, welcome to Call the Homeschool episode #289 what to do when people quiz your kids.
Hi friends, welcome back.
I hope you're excited for me to get on my soapbox today but also give some really great applicable tools today.
0:19
It is Thanksgiving tomorrow and I thought what a perfect topic to help you just in case you have family members who think it's OK to quiz your kids just because they are homeschooled.
So why in the world do some adults feel like it is OK to quiz a homeschool kid?
0:39
I did a quick Google search that says people sometimes quiz homeschool kids to assess their academic progress, ensure they are learning on par with traditionally schooled children, and to address any concerns about the quality of their homeschool education, Often stemming from a misconception that homeschooling may not provide a rigorous enough learning environment.
1:00
So that definition does make sense.
But if that were completely true then they would quiz kids in government schools too so they can make sure that they are on par with their peers.
I think it is super socially weird to quiz homeschooled kids.
1:15
Which is funny because homeschoolers often get told we aren't social or don't have social skills.
But it can be super uncomfortable for the kids that get quizzed.
My friend just had her little 4 year old get quizzed by an adult and she wanted to know what letter she knew and if you could recognize her AB CS and the little girl completely shut down and didn't even want to answer.
1:36
So today I want to dive in deeper into all these topics and give you some ideas of what to do if this happens to you and your family.
So let's talk about testing.
You grew up in government schools, private schools, charter schools, anything like that.
1:51
You were tested.
It's just the way the school system has been set up.
Passing a test doesn't actually mean you know or understand a subject.
It often means you know how to pass a test.
Because some homeschoolers choose to not test their kids.
2:08
I am in that category.
Other people feel worried or concerned that the child might not be learning.
I just think that is so crazy because there are certain things that people just get really hung up on with children.
Some people let their kids watch movies that are really violent or gory or overly sexual.
2:27
And nobody's like, oh, we, we shouldn't let kids be watching all of these things.
But they're like, but they don't test well.
We should be so concerned.
And I just think maybe we should just mind our own business.
Anyway, like I said, I'll be getting on my soapbox throughout this podcast.
So here's what's crazy about with testing.
2:44
Homeschool students tend to score above the national average on standardized tests like the A/C, TSATA, sorry, SAT, and ACT, and state assessments.
Studies show that homeschoolers typically perform in the 85th to 90th percentiles compared to the average national average in the 50th percentile.
3:05
Homeschool students often excel in reading, writing, language arts, and math.
A studied by the Home School Legal Defense Association, or HSLDA, found that homeschool students, regardless of household income or parents level of education, consistently outperformed their public school counterparts on standardized test.
3:26
Homeschoolers who participated in national testing programs such as the Iowa Test of Basic Skills or Standard Achievement Test, often scored one or more grade levels above their public school peers.
So if homeschools are out there out testing their peers, why do adults do this?
3:47
I think it could be any one of these reasons.
The first one is ignorance.
Maybe they knew one weird homeschool kid back in the day who couldn't even put their shoes on, right?
So they decided that all homeschoolers must be a little bit weird or awkward or not very intelligent or even ignorant.
4:04
That homeschoolers are testing higher statistically over and over again.
Another reason is concerned maybe a loving grandma and she wants to make sure that her grandbabies are given the best education possible.
So she feels that if she does this, it will help ease her worries to make sure her grandbabies are OK.
4:23
And another possible reason because this person isn't happy and wants to worry about other people so they don't have to look at their old life.
Is that a little harsh?
Maybe.
But sometimes I will have a client tell me about their angry aunt who is on her third marriage and her kids don't talk to her and her life is falling apart, but start quizzing her homeschooled nieces and nephews and then judge them so she doesn't have to look at her own life.
4:48
That is a bit extreme but I often find when someone is being judge mental it's because they don't want to look at their own life.
I have yet to meet a happy person who is doing their best go out of their way to quiz homeschoolers or to try to make them feel dumb or stupid or inadequate.
5:05
They may genuinely ask what does your homeschool look like or what are you learning?
But it is coming from curiosity or a way to connect and not from judgement.
So how does getting quiz affect your kids?
Now, some kids may be oblivious to what is going on.
5:20
Like, I don't know, they were doing that right?
Like, I don't know what's kind of weird.
This person's weird.
She usually asks me what do I know about the butterfly metamorphosis?
And I was like, I don't know, that's weird and run off.
But other kids can feel confused, embarrassed, judged or even dumb just because little Timmy down the street knows about the water cycle.
5:41
Just because that's what happened to be taught that year in his class, doesn't mean your is kid is dumb because they don't know it yet.
It's so interesting when we like, oh, they don't know these topics and we completely forget to say that they know these topics and so many other amazing skills that they have because they're actually living life.
6:00
And they can run a household and cook a full course meal and grow a garden and do the whole yard work and all these things that it's like, yeah, I'm not sure I remember all the phases of a butterfly, but I can see how that can really affect me later on in life if I don't know that answer right now.
6:18
That is how I usually do what?
Deal with things as sarcasm, which is not always the best method.
So what can we do to help the situation?
So if you have somebody that you know you're going to Thanksgiving tomorrow and somebody does this or any holiday party you have coming up, you can talk to them ahead of time and ask them not to do this.
6:39
Now this could look like especially if you have somebody who is just trying to connect with your kids or maybe it is coming from a kinder place, you can talk to them and saying like hey, instead of quizzing my kids that can sometimes make them feel a little bit like scared and they don't want to answer because they don't like it catches them off guard.
7:04
Maybe try asking him open-ended questions about their interests or experiences.
Maybe you can just say what was the best part of your week or what's something cool you learned recently.
If you have somebody who's pretty aggressive and it is going after your kids friends, you can set a firm boundary.
7:20
And I want to remind you with boundaries, it is not about controlling that as other person, but is more about what you will do and what you will do to protect yourself or protect your children.
So if they really want to, if you really don't want them to quit your kids, you can say something like, my family is so excited to come over for this party.
7:39
I know sometimes in the past you've quizzed my kids about what we're doing at home school and it actually makes my fit kids feel very uncomfortable when you do that.
If you do that at the party, we will just leave.
I'm not going to put my kids through that.
So that I hope you can respect that boundary.
Now that would probably be in an extreme situation where somebody is really aggressive that you will just leave.
8:00
But maybe it could even be a little bit more mild of like I'll just tell my kids that they don't have to answer you or I'll just tell my kids that they can just go play outside.
But something like where your will remove your kids from the situation.
So I'll just have to pull my kids away from you and go on your merry way just to protect them if needed.
8:18
Now, if you don't feel like you want to or need to have a conversation with an adult beforehand, or if you aren't even sure somebody's going to quiz that maybe you're just worried somebody will quiz them.
You can help your kids think of what to say ahead of time if they quiz them.
You could role play with your kids to say some of the following.
8:36
So somebody asks you, I don't know why I'm thinking random science facts, but let's say they're asking you about history.
What is like, what do you know about this war?
What do you know about this topic?
And saying like, you know, I have learned about that in school, but I don't remember or I don't want to talk about it right now.
And they could also say I'd rather talk about something else.
8:54
Do you want to hear about my favorite insert favorite thing?
Do you want to hear about my favorite animal, my favorite sports star?
And do you want to hear about this cool history factor, this thing I learned about weather, right?
So preparing them with something like, I don't know, but I would love to talk about this.
This is what I know a lot about.
9:11
Maybe the adult is being polite and asks them what they're learning in home school and what grade do they're in.
Just prepare your kids maybe like, hey, just a reminder, like what are we learning about?
So maybe for my kids right now, be like, oh, we're learning about the War of 1812 and OK, what are like?
9:28
So this could be in the car ride or beforehand.
Like what are some cool things you guys remember about the War of 1812?
And it's like, well, what I thought was really cool is that's when the Star spangled Spangled Banner was written by Francis Scott Key was actually during that war.
And then maybe they know when it became our national anthem and and other cool topics that they know so that your kids can when somebody's like, what are you learning in homeschool?
9:50
And they are the deer in the headlights, like, I don't know, nothing that they come prepared, Like, oh, we have been studying this artist or this composer.
We've been working on these awesome life skills.
Did you know I can make rolls from scratch now?
Or we do sourdough or whatever that is.
10:06
My son that teaches the homeschool fitness class was laughing because he goes, does everybody's mom here make homemade bread?
They were like, yeah, obviously.
So maybe that's like a fun thing like, you know, like this is what we're doing if we do this really fun homemade bread just so that they are excited to share what they are learning about.
10:25
If you do grades, remind your kid what grade they are in.
Like don't don't forget, buddy, you're in second grade or you're in 4th grade or whatever.
Then have them tell it back to you.
What grade are you in?
If somebody asks, I'm in second grade, fantastic.
Maybe you don't do grades.
So help him come up with an answer like, oh, I'm in elementary, I'm in high school, I'm in whatever.
10:45
Like they could just make it general, like, oh, we're just in the Thomas family school and it's one big happy school room.
So we don't really worry about grades, just something that they feel confident and comfortable in their answer.
Some kids may want to know a grade, like, oh, I want to know what grade I'm in.
And other kids may not care, like I don't know, don't really want to worry about it.
11:04
So work with your kids about what they can do.
So you're now you're there at the party and adults start squeezing your kid, right?
You can redirect the conversation.
You can suggest topics that highlight your child's interest or achievements and non academic areas.
11:20
Did you know we just wrapped up flag football season?
Oh my goodness, we had an epic year.
My one son, he played amazing.
Tell him about some of your plays as quarterback.
Oh, this was this kids first time.
Oh my goodness, these guys are doing mock trial or whatever that looks like something that they're doing in their life other than just the academics, right?
11:39
I do want you to remember that how you are feeling will completely change the way of what you say.
The way you interact with people at parties, whether or not you get upset with them, if they start quizzing your kids, if you start feeling really overprotective or angry or upset.
11:57
Those conversations are going to be very different in if you are feeling then if you're feeling understanding or curious or even amused.
So if you think something like they are so rude, this is so weird.
12:13
You might feel really defensive.
And when somebody is defensive, their faces gets angry and they talk short and they want to prove their point and they want to prove that they're right.
So if you're showing up defensive, it's like, hey, that's weird.
Don't do that to my kid.
And like trying to prove how you're smart your kid is.
12:30
However, if you prepare yourself ahead of time, just like we're talking about role-playing with your kids, maybe role-playing with your husband or just writing it out in a journal, getting coached on the topic, right?
Of what do I want to think, feel and do if this does happen?
So maybe you want to think something like it's not the end of the world that they ask my kids.
12:50
I used to wonder about homeschool too, maybe any questions like that like this person is, I'm not shocked because this person always asks everybody uncomfortable questions.
So maybe you'd like you there's homeschool quizzing and somebody else.
It's like about their weight or making like what it what did you guys spend on that car?
13:08
Right?
Just like uncomfortable questions that you're like, why are you doing this?
So it's like, Oh, I'm not shocked.
This person usually does do that.
So maybe you could feel amused by a thought like that.
But whatever it is, that thought, remember it creates the feeling.
So if you do want want to feel amused, do you want to feel compassion?
13:25
Do you want to feel understanding?
Do you want to feel love?
Those types of emotion are going to create a much gentler way in which you speak.
So if you are trying to redirect a conversation and you're feeling defensive, it's like, hey, knock it off.
13:40
My kid doesn't need to answer all your questions.
If I'm feeling understanding, like, Oh my goodness, you're asking such interesting questions.
Do you know what we actually did this week is we practice writing letters.
It was so fun.
Oh my gosh.
Do you remember the letter you wrote?
Yes, he wrote this letter.
13:56
It was so funny.
Oh, we were practicing our commas and language arts and it was so fun.
Thank you for like asking my kids or trying to connect with my kids.
And then maybe I'm going to change the conversation completely and say, like, tell me what are you doing with your life?
Let me quiz you.
That would be my sarcastic side that I would just probably think and not actually say.
14:18
I also like one more thing with holidays, parties, Thanksgiving, all the things if this is too much for you and you go and people you feel like they attack your family like oh the here comes the weird homeschool clan.
14:34
They are being rude, abusive, bullying, whatever.
You are an adult and you don't have to go to any party you don't want to or don't feel comfortable at.
People may be a mad at you, they might be annoyed, and that to me just shows their level of their maturity if they try to take it out on you.
14:55
You never have to put yourself in a situation to be bullied or abused, even if they are family.
The beautiful thing about this is that example will teach your children that they get to choose who they surround themselves with and that you don't have to be with anybody.
15:15
Anybody that is narcissistic, abusive, aggressive, all of those things just because they're family.
You get to choose who you surround yourself with.
Friends, I hope this episode helps you throughout the holidays and I would love if you would head on over to Apple iTunes and give this podcast a five star review.
15:34
It helps so much and it helps to help other Mamas, homeschool Mamas find this podcast so it can help them too.
Have an amazing Thanksgiving and I will talk to you next week.
Comentarios