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Hello, you are listening to Call to Homeschool episode #282 Finding the Joy in Your Home School.
Hey friends, it's me, Meg, your homeschool guru and coach, and I'm here with another episode helping you get ready for the No Yell November challenge.
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Last week I talked about some of the consequences of yelling at your kids.
They were your kids not listening, which is so frustrating, right?
Creating anxiety and depression in your kids.
And also it continues the cycle of yelling because your kids often become yellers themselves.
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So today I want to focus on the app opposite.
I want to focus on what happened when your kids are being raised in a calm home.
What happens when you are a safe parent?
I want to talk about the positive things that come from being that safe parent.
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So let's we're going to dive into three different things on the flip side of last week of why like what are those good outcomes of being calm parent?
So the first one I want to dive into is better emotional regulation.
So a calm environment teaches children how to manage their emotions constructively.
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They learn to express frustration and solve problems without resorting to anger or outburst, modeling the behavior they see.
OK, did you catch that?
It doesn't mean that your children won't ever be frustrated or ever upset, but that they learn how to express this frustration, how to solve problems without getting angry and having big outburst.
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Children are such amazing copycats, for better or for worse.
So when they see mom and dad being calm in a stressful situation, they learn to be calm and stressful situations.
My home is far from perfect friends, but I do love that my children are not yellers.
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Why?
Because mom and dad aren't.
Now, I know some younger kids will yell as they're figuring out, especially toddlers as they're trying to figure out who they are in this world.
But as you work with them and keep being the example of being calm and teaching them, they eventually learn to regulate their emotions and becoming this better emotionally regulated individual.
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So super duper easy year easier.
It makes parenting so much easier.
So that was number one.
Number two, stronger parent child relationships.
So because we are homeschoolers, a lot of us want that closer relationship with our kids.
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When I ask people why they're homeschooling, a lot of times it's because they want that relationship with their child.
They want the small amount of time you get with your children.
They want that time with them.
So why not have that time with them being awesome instead of fighting the whole time without yelling?
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Children feel safer and more secure.
This builds trust allowing for open communication and a deeper connection between parent and child which is key for healthy attachment.
I have to just pause right here for allowing for open communication.
So I have had my four oldest drivers have all crashed a car.
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First one was in the snow, second one was in the parking lot, third one was just leaving.
I think that she was leaving piano lessons.
And the fourth kid backed into a tree.
And it was so interesting through all these as my husband and I learned to be more and more calm and learn like what really matters in life.
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When our last kid, he just hit the tree maybe a month ago and he came home and immediately was like mom and dad, or I think he saw dad first.
But like dad, guess what happened?
Like I wasn't paying attention.
I had he was in a truck and he had the tailgate down South.
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That means the cameras facing the asphalt.
I had the tailgate down.
I didn't even look behind me.
I backed into a tree.
I feel so stupid.
Yes, I'll take care of it.
And it was so interesting because not only was there open and honest communication, but there was 100% responsibility for it.
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And he did went and got bids on different places.
He paid for the whole thing.
And he did it all without my husband and me ever giving a lecture, ever saying, well, you're going to have to pay for this.
You're going to figure it out, right?
But so I love that when you are having this calm relationship and that's connection with your kids at that strong parent child relationship or open communication.
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And then that next part I talked about was the deeper connection.
And I want to dive into this.
So this is like sub part of #2 So building a deeper connection with your kids changes everything.
So if you have heard of Doctor Gordon Newfield, he is, if you haven't, you need to.
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He is a renowned developmental development psychologist.
He shares what happens with kids on a deeper level when you build a connection with them, and that connection is built when it is calm and safe.
So I wanted to share some of the things he talks about.
So he talks about when your kids have this deep connection with you, there's increased cooperation and obedience.
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Kate, did you hear that?
Increased cooperation and obedience?
What do a lot of parents want?
They want their kids to work with them.
They want their kids to obey, but they go about it in the wrong way with force or getting mad at them and getting angry.
When you just have the strong connection with them, children feel inclined to just cooperate and obey.
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Neufeld believes that children are more likely to follow parental guidance naturally when they feel emotionally connected instead of relying on fear or control.
The attachment bond motivates them to listen and cooperate out of trust and loyalty.
So good.
The next one is emotional resilience.
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A strong connection with parents help children develop emotional resilience.
They feel secure enough to navigate challenges, setbacks, and difficult emotions because they know they have a reliable source of support and comfort.
So kids who feel more inclined to dare to try something, they're more inclined to be willing to fail because they realize it's not the end of the world, that they can come back from those hard things without resilience.
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Another one he talks about is healthy independence.
Newfield argues that children who are securely attached to their parents can become more independent as they grow.
Instead of pushing for autonomy prematurely, these children naturally mature into independence as they feel safe and confident in their relationship.
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And finally, the one I'll talk about with Doctor Gordon Newfield is decreased behavioral issues.
This one is everything.
Once again, decreased behavioral issues.
Many behavioral problems, such as defiance or acting out, stem from a lack of connection.
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Newfield suggests that when children feel understood and valued by their parent, they are less likely to exhibit such behaviors because their emotional needs are being met.
OK, is this list not amazing?
I hope this is getting you as excited as it does me because I love when clients start seeing this.
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Like, Oh my gosh, this is amazing.
Meg, you were right.
So now on to the third thing with why we want what happens when you are calm in your home is for your children.
So last time we talked about one of the side of the negative side effects was a lot of times it can create anxiety and depression.
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While on the flip side when your children are being raised in this calm, safe, secure home increase self esteem and confidence.
Children who aren't subjected to harsh yelling tend to develop a more positive self-image.
They are less likely to internalize negative feelings about themselves, helping them grow into confident, resilient individuals.
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I just saw something the other day that talked about that when you yell at your kids, it doesn't always make your kids think something bad about you.
Maybe as they become teens, they can start doing that, but when they're younger, they internalize it and a lot of times they make it mean something bad about them.
So as you become more in control of yourself and more calm, instead of this like, I'm a bad person, I can never do anything right, They start building the self esteem and this confidence of like, yeah, I'm amazing and I can make mistakes and I can recover from my mistakes and my mistakes don't define me, right?
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And so it's so incredibly amazing.
So can you see why this is so important of why I'm always pushing this like no yelling and being calm and being this amazing parent.
Because when you are in control of yourself and creating this kind of environment, homeschool is just fun and easy because there is cooperation, there is obedience, there is working with your kids, there is independence with your kids, all of these amazing things.
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And so homeschool just gets to be so stinking fun.
I was talking to a client the other day and she's, she's not a big yeller, right?
But she has a kid that she struggles with and after a month of just working with me, it was so fascinating because she said not only has her child's behavior improved, but she is really enjoying motherhood.
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And who doesn't want more joy in the home?
Which is why this episode is called Finding the Joy in Your Home School.
Because as you do these things, you don't have the behavior issues, you don't have that fight, you don't have that like disconnect and that arguing.
You have joy.
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And I love it.
And I love seeing clients and people I get to work with just finding and creating this joy in their home.
Now, I know it's so easy to just say, friends, just stop yelling at your kids.
If it were that easy, I would wave my magic wand and it would be over and done with.
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But it's not that easy.
So if you are ready and to stop the the negative part and stop the contention, stop the fighting and create this joy, this peace, this fun homeschool.
I invite you to come over and join me for the No Yell November Challenge where I want to help you create this dreamy home where children are more confident, feel more love, behave better just by learning to be in control of yourself.
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The challenge starts November 1st and goes through the end of November 30th.
You're going to get daily help from me tips everything that I can do to help you create this calm home where you just get to sit back and enjoy your children.
I've had some people tease me in the past before about like not doing it over Thanksgiving Like that is really bad timing.
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And right before Christmas, the friends, there's no good timing.
It's either you're going to do it or you're not going to do it.
And as you learn to really regulate your own nervous system as you learn to as one of my clients just she said the other day, I'm just feeling more confident of knowing what to do when a child misbehaves or with a child.
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That's something that you're like, oh, that's not in any parenting books.
Just to have that confidence of moving forward so that you're your home is more and more calm.
It just starts creating this amazing magical joy filled home.
So I want to invite you to head over to www.coachmegthomas.com and sign up for this year's No Yell November Challenge.
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Get tons of help for me and prices because prices are fun and challenges a lot of times.
Help us to keep going when it feels challenging.
Love you all and I will be back next week to help you even more in with this next year's No Yell November challenge.
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Have a good one.
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