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#266 Nobody Else's Business

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Hello, you are listening to called the Home School episode #267 Nobody else's business.

How is your summer going?

We are having a good time over here.

Exciting.

A lot of new stuff happening at the Thomas family.

0:18

My son's wedding is coming up in a few weeks and that is fun.

His fiance is absolutely delightful, so I cannot wait to have her in our family.

We get spoiled.

She's just awesome.

So that's fun doing our very first wedding and my other son, the one that was on last week.

0:37

I hope you liked that podcast with Josh.

He's a really neat kid, but he got his mission call.

So he is going to be serving in this is a mouthful, the El Salvador San Salvador W Belize mission and will be starting in October.

0:52

So it is a very good, very busy, awesome summer.

So a few weeks ago I posted a reel and in it they were three of my kids in it and we were driving home from southern Utah.

It's about a three and a half hour, 4 hour drive and the kids got bored on the car ride and they were being like children and we're messing with each other.

1:15

They weren't really fighting they were just being loud.

So this is this video is actually kind of old because my daughter that is in the video is on a mission so she hasn't lived at home for almost a year.

So this video was about a year old and the whole point of the video is that they are being really loud and I kind of I'm filming them and I kind of put my face in a little bit and go back to them.

1:38

And in the caption it just says what would you do?

So they are being very loud.

My youngest is sitting in the middle with no shirt on because why not?

And he's yelling Drago from the classic movie Rocky and his sisters kind of messing with him, kind of like gives him a noogie, just kind of going bopping them back and forth, right.

1:59

So they're having a really good time and they are just laughing and having fun.

Her face looks a little annoyed, but I actually was able to screen record the video and send it to her.

And she was like, oh, I remember this.

We were laughing so hard.

And so she looks a little bit more annoyed than she actually was 'cause she was pestering him too.

2:18

And they were having a lot of fun and playing with each other.

So in the caption I wrote about learning to ignore the noise and learning to define behavior and annoying behavior that is obnoxious or bugs you or it's just loud.

If you can learn to ignore it, that type of behavior decreases and appropriate behavior increases.

2:39

Super simple message, right?

I schedule most of my posts and reels ahead of time.

So it was a couple hours later that it had posted that I went on checked on it to see if I needed to answer any questions or comments.

I was shocked when I started seeing very hateful comments.

2:58

One girl told me that I needed to stop my youngest and his tantrums because it's not fair to the older sister and that she still resents her parents.

That was interesting because he isn't having a tantrum so I don't know if she actually watched the video or even turned the audio on.

And to see that he's laughing and yelling Drago.

3:15

So maybe she doesn't know what Rocky is, but he's so he's just yelling Drago Drago and they he's laughing.

So he's actually not even throwing a tantrum.

They were just playing loudly.

I had a lot of comments about what a terrible parent I am, that a lot of people told me I would never let my kids behave like this and I'm a lousy parenting, lazy parent, just how terrible I am.

3:38

Other people told me how danger it was to drive with loud kids in the car.

And you know what's interesting?

If it was to a point where it was like out of control fighting, absolutely.

I am a fan of saying, hey, this has gotten too much.

But we were laughing because they were being so crazy that my husband, my husband the one was driving.

3:59

Like since I'm the one filming right, that would have been even better.

If I was filming and driving, I would have gotten way more hate comments.

But my husband's driving and he's fine.

Like, we're, this isn't our first rodeo.

We have seven kids.

We're pretty used to the noise.

However, if it had gotten to the point where he's like, I can't even think straight, he would have said, hey, guys, knock it off.

4:18

I can't focus on the road.

So absolutely, we would have if that was something we needed to do.

I had people telling me that I'm exploiting my kids about posting them on social media.

That was interesting.

Some people told me this is so funny because I was being told I'm a bad parent, but a good parent, what a good parent would have done is kicked him out of the car and made him walk home.

4:38

So that's a good tip to make a kids walk home for four hours.

Well, that's in a car, right?

So for several days on the side of a freeway.

Super great advice.

Lots of comments about how terrible I am because, oh, this is the one that I probably got the most hate for are their seatbelts and they are wearing lap belts, but you can't see them because they all had blankets on them and none of them put their shoulder straps on.

5:03

And a lot of people gave me a lot of hate for the way that they were wearing their seatbelts and the inksty part of me, because it wasn't really people who followed me.

It was a lot of random people that were seeing this.

So I was like the inksty part of me wanted to hop on with the seat belt thing and being like, oh, like your kids are wearing seatbelts the incorrect way and you're so terrible that you're doing this.

5:26

And I thought, but unless they're riding a school bus and there's thirty other kids, then it's OK to just not have any seat belt on.

So that's what I wanted to say, but I'll tell you that.

So I didn't really say I didn't I I replied back to a couple people and that just fueled the fire.

5:43

So I quit doing that very quickly and I talked about it, my story.

So I had all these awesome people that do follow me jumped on to defend me, but then they were saying the opposite, that I'm actually a great parent.

Or I got some cute tips of to distract your kids.

5:58

If they were being really noisy, start talking about something you see outside the window.

What's that?

What do you see over there?

Right.

Just so the noise would drop.

Strangers hopping on and telling other people to mind their own business.

I actually had people saying, yes, learning to ignore the noise and appropriate behavior is the best parenting technique out there because your kids actually learn appropriate behavior.

6:20

So people really defending me.

So I contemplated a lot about whether or not I should delete this reel because obviously it is bringing up a lot of contention and I don't know anybody.

I don't know if people eventually get really thick skin.

6:36

I don't know that I want to get thick skin, but or if they're just used to it.

But I debated about whether or not to delete it because it was it was really upsetting to me.

So I did end up leaving it on and a few days later after like 130 something comments and most of them which were attacking me, I decided, you know, I will keep it up, but I will turn off the comments.

6:58

So now you can't even see them and you cannot even comment to them.

Which is funny because then I had people private message me hateful comment and I thought, block, I'm not even reading your comment to me.

So this is what's crazy.

At the time of the reel, the time of recording this podcast, that reel had over 60,000 views.

7:16

So like I said, I had about 130 something comments of a lot of them being hateful, but I had over 700 likes, 50 shares and 240 saves.

So there were a lot more people that this video was helping than the people that were attacking me.

I was out there trying to share a message of learning to ignore the noise because you know, I'm a big fan of learning to not yell at your kids and fight and have that contention and the animosity.

7:41

And so with kids just being loud and having fun, if you can learn to ignore the noise, how much that doesn't affect you and your ability to parent the way you want to a parent and just keeps the peace in your house.

So how interesting that I did something that I thought, oh, this will be so helpful to people.

7:59

A great tip this summer.

You're traveling, you're doing things, learn to ignore it.

And then I was attacked for it as well.

So what made me decide to do this podcast is because I wanted to remind you that you are going to be doing something and some people may attack you for it verbally and some people may say you are so amazing and so brave.

8:23

However you choose to parent, to home, school and to live your life is nobody else's business.

Your kid may throw a humongous fit in public and you choose to ignore the noise and not give them any attention for it.

8:41

Some people are going to look at you and judge you.

They may even say, I've had this happen in a grocery store once where a kid was having a full meltdown.

This is a couple years ago and he was still a toddler.

Full meltdown.

I thought, I'm stuck here, there's nothing I can do so I'm just going to ignore it.

8:58

Talk to my other kids, put my groceries on the little conveyor belt and the lady in front of me let me know how I just ruined her day because she had to listen to my kids scream.

You may have that too, but you also may have people who look at you and with sympathy of like, you've got this Mama, you're doing such a good job because they also know what it's like to have a toddler.

9:18

Others may be proud of you or inspired by your example of keeping it together and not having a meltdown over your meltdown.

However you choose to decide to respond to that situation is nobody else's business.

9:35

How you choose to parent home school and live is between you and God, and everything else is nobody else's business.

So in your home school, how you decide to home school, let's say you're trying to unschooler, be an unschooler.

9:53

Some people will say, oh, she's just lazy, so that's easy because her kids are going to be behind.

There's a great disservice to her kids.

Her kids are monsters.

She's so terrible.

Those are going to applaud you.

Oh, it's so awesome.

You're letting your kids be kids.

10:08

You're letting them explore their interests.

Who cares?

It is nobody else's business curriculums that you choose.

Some people will say, oh, that one's the worst one.

You are a fool for choosing that certain curriculum.

Others will think you're so brave, so smart, or any other story.

10:26

Once again, who cares what you choose to do in your home?

School is nobody else's business.

As we continue on with summer and you start to get ready for home school in the fall, get other people's opinions out of your home school and out of your home.

10:48

You may get rid of the TV or you may let your kids play video games every single day.

OK, that's between you and God and your own family, right?

If we do what feels best for your family and keep having the courage to continue on that path.

11:06

It is human nature to judge other people.

But what I challenge you is to not let their judgments change your decisions or change your directions.

Trust in what God has asked you to do, even the people close to you.

So these are obviously people.

11:21

I didn't know that was that was saying hateful comments.

But don't you worry, I've had people close to me question things that I've done too.

What you are choosing to do, what God is calling you to do, is nobody else's business.

You have been asked to be a steward over your children for a reason.

11:40

And whether you gave birth to these babies, you've adopted these babies, however they came into your care, God has trusted you to be a steward over them.

And God will help you of what is the right path.

So for some of you, that right path may be a very structured classical education.

11:58

For some of you it is the unschooling.

For some of you, it's a hybrid.

Whatever.

It is an online option only classic literature.

God will answer those questions for you.

So trust your instincts, trust the Spirit.

And remember what you choose to do is say it with me friends, nobody else's business.

12:20

I love you so much and I hope you continue this summer not worrying about what other people think or say about you and have the confidence to keep moving forward with what God has called you to do.

Love you and I'll talk to you next time.

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