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#259 Sibling Success

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How does one create a culture in your home where a sibling is more excited for someone else's success than their own?

How do you help siblings get along?

What do you do with the fighting and contention?

If you have kid who are fighting in your home, you need to check out this week's episode.


Hello, Welcome to called the Homeschool Episode #259 Sibling Success.

I am so excited to talk about this today I want to check in.

How are you doing?

I had the opportunity last week to present at a really fun homeschool conference here in Utah and I got to meet so many of you and that is my favorite part of all homeschool conferences is to sit and talk and meet with people, take pictures, give hugs.


And I thought it was absolutely dreamy.

So thank you to everybody who came up, said hello I that I got to talk to you and thank you for telling me how this podcast helps.

This podcast was created because Karan and I were in the same learning circle group where we met together every month and Karan looks over at me one day and said I think we should start a podcast together.


And we did.

And eventually Karen has gone on to join the the choir at Tabernacle Square, so she doesn't have as much time anymore.

And I've kept the podcast going.

She's come on a few times to promote some awesome books that she's written.

But I just am so grateful that this podcast is so helpful to so many of you.


I loved hearing people telling me that it gave them the confidence to start home schooling or when they're having a really hard day, that the podcast is like mega Mike says I've got this, I can figure this out and I just love that.

I love that the voice, like of encouragement is mine.


I'm telling you that you do have this and I love you and I support you and whatever you need, I've got you.

And so today I'm going to talk about something that I know is a real struggle in a lot of people's home school, but your kids and they're fighting and the contention and not getting along.


And so I want to dive in today about creating success within the siblings, of learning how to get along so that there can be more peace and home school can be more fun.

And as you are together all day long, that it is not this big nightmare of great.

I got to be with my kids all day again, and they're just going to fight like cats and dogs and I'm going to try to not kill them.


So I'd rather help you learn how to create peace in your home.

What's interesting about sibling relationships is, statistically speaking, that is your longest relationship in your life, longer than the relationship with your parents, and longer than the relationship with your spouse.


Relationships with your siblings can be absolutely amazing, but unfortunately they can also be very hard.

So this episode is inspired from many things of different concerns I've heard clients talk about, but was really inspired also from a picture I took of my kids.


So last weekend after the home school conference, I went to my kids speech and debate award ceremony and that was a lot of fun, lots of it.

Great energy was the last year my son was graduating this year, so it was his last one.

My daughter loves it.


And then their younger brother, they got him to do it.

So three of my kids were there so I got to go watch the ending of that.

My daughter Tess this is her third year of speech and debate.

She was able to place 3rd place in Lincoln Douglas and if you don't know what that is that's OK.


I don't know if I could explain it to you.

My son Josh he placed first in oratory which will most likely be getting its own episode because I got the chance to listen to his final speech when as they they did rounds on this one.


So it was semi finals, quarter finals and then the top, I don't know, six kids.


I think they all got to re give their speech and I got to hear that one and it was phenomenal.

I totally cried.

He looked at me, made him cry.

It was it was powerful.

I and I am he, I am probably one of the hardest judges there and he loves to tease me about that.

And I said you would probably would have been my first ten I would have ever given.


So it was phenomenal.

I loved it.

I like maybe I'm being biased but I totally thought he deserved first place.

I loved him.

All the kids did great but my kids obviously touched my heart.

So anyways he went first in oratory.

My daughter went third in Lincoln Douglas.

My other cute son did his best and so he's going to keep going next year, so he'll just keep getting better and better as he continues to practice.


So at the tournament they call down the top 6 competitors in each event and then announce the winners 6th through 1st place and first, second and third.

I'll get a trophy.

So when my daughter was her turn and she comes down, she's on the stage and they announced Tess Thomas gets 3rd place and she's excited.


Hands up, that's our victory pose.

I guess that's what my son's picture was, that same thing with his hands up.

That's what my pose is.

When I cross the finish line, my hands up and she's excited and she has a fun face and she was proud of herself for getting third place.

And I'm going to post these pictures on social media so you can see what I'm talking about.


One day when I get fancy and learn how to put it onto a video here, it'll happen.

But as of today, it's not going to so but it's the next picture that I took that I found absolutely intriguing.

So at the end of the year, their speech and debate league gives awards for the top competitors of the whole entire year.


So it's, I believe it's a point system.

So if you got first place, it's so many points, 2nd place, so many points, right.

So you could actually win the whole thing overall because you consistently took second place and somebody else could have had a first and a 6th and an eighth and a second.

And so it just it goes off of your placement through the whole entire year.


So it's a big deal to get one of these awards.

So once again, they call down the top 10 competitors and they come down to the stage and they announce them and then give a plaque to the top three.

I want to, I want to say it is the top three.


I didn't, I don't remember it being the top four, but at least the top three.

And so this part is a little sad, kind of funny now, But they're calling down the 10 kids and my son Josh gets called down and they do not call my daughter Tess.

And she's like what I have placed in so many of the tournaments I have worked so hard.


So she's kind of upset.

I put my hand on her leg, like, I'm so sorry and I get a mean swipe with my right hand off of her leg.

Like, don't not ring.


And I was like, OK, I'm just going to look the other way.

You can totally be mad.

So she's fighting tears.


I'm trying to cheer for my other kid while she's fighting tears.

So the next to me and they are calling like announcing the top ten kids and they go and order number 10 #9, they get to #6 and they say Tess Thomas and her face is shocked.

Her brother's face is like, wait, you didn't call her down.


So the director of the whole league Sam Martineau, he's like, Oh my gosh, Jess get down here.

I cannot even believe imagine the roller coaster of motions I have just put you on.

So she's all excited.

After comes down to the stage everybody gets to clap for her that she got 6th place.


So Sam continues to announce the winners of the year and my Josh ends up getting second place overall in the whole debate league.

He's obviously thrilled.

He loves speech and debate, he loves giving presentations, he loves talking.


So it is something that he has just really, really enjoyed.

He's wondering about maybe making a career of being a sports analyst, I think is what he talks about right now, but it's just something that he loves to be able to do is just to sit and talk and to convey his ideas.

So anyways, he was super excited.


He gets second place, he does the hands up and his face is always usually a bit little bit more modest and you'll see in the picture.

But his face isn't what I cared about in the picture.

After that night when we were looking through the pictures, it was my test that stood out to me.


Now when I post this picture just now, I was taking these from my phone several rows up.

So two kids are kind of in the way, but you can still see my kids.

And it was her face that in like got part of this episode going and everything that I want to talk to you about today.


Because her face was so much more excited that her brother took second place than from her taking 6th place overall and 3rd place in her Lincoln Douglas.

Her arms are up again, but she is jumping this time and her eyes are closed because she is so excited for him.


And I pointed it out to my husband and we commented to her like that was so cool how you are so proud of him instead of being the victim, like this is so stupid.

This is not fair because not too long ago she did kind of struggle with that.


And we've really worked on supporting our family members and being excited for other people, allowing yourself to fill the fields, but also being excited for somebody else when they have success and they have a victory.

And so she wasn't mad that her brother beat her, she actually competed against him in oratory and afterwards she was like, mine was not that good.


He totally deserved it.

But I don't think he did.

Lincoln Douglas, I can't remember what his other one was, but he didn't place in that one either.

And so they just have different strengths.

And she was so excited for her and so it was so awesome that she was so excited for him.


And it makes me think, when things like this happen, how what were the steps that my husband and I took to help create this culture where our kids are excited for each other, Where our kids are cheering each other on?

And part of our family motto and part of our family mission statement is that that we are excited for others wins in our family.


That we are encouraging them and not trying to tear them down and thinking that it means something bad about us.

If something is someone is faster than us, somebody places higher than us, somebody does something cool that we can't do.

But really trying to create this culture where we actually are their biggest cheerleaders, that we can be more excited about them getting a high place in something than we were for ourselves.


So as I saw and thought about this with the how, I came up with three very clear and simple things that we've done in our home to help our kids get along.

As you can imagine, in a family with seven kids, it's not always it's easy to get along.


And yet we figured out some really amazing tools to help your kids get along.

I love these so much that I've decided to do an online class diving into these skills that anyone can do to create sibling success.


Now it's one thing to teach you some skills, but it's another to help you implement them.

So also I've created a 30 day sibling challenge for your kids.

For 30 days your kids are going to have something that they can do to help create peace in the home, something that they can do to help create this joy and this happiness in the relationships.


Some of the ideas are a compliment day, Give your siblings genuine compliments, teamwork day, Work together on a task or project such as cleaning a room.

If you have somebody who likes to build something, that could be their project, that they build a birdhouse together.

They make a hopscotch pattern outside.


What do they do together where they learn to work together a fun day plan and participate in a fun activity together such as playing a game or an outdoor adventure?

What is so fun about these family challenges?

Is like that, just that unity of coming together of what can we create?


And I love adding an extra fun component, right?

We all love to be rewarded for our efforts.

So you could do something like every time a kid does one of the things from the days, right?

So like, I genuinely told my sibling you were so fun.


I love being with you.

Or I told my sibling you I love to see your talents.

You are really great at speaking, or you're really great at an instrument.

You're always so kind and patient with me, right?

That when they do something like that, they get to put a Pebble in a jar.

We've done Pebbles in a jar for so many different things, and it's so fun because you get to see yourself.


You could watch the jar grow and you get to see the Pebbles.

And then we've done things where once the jar is full, we go do something as a family that usually cost money.

So going to the movies together, maybe going out for a special treat, going to a restaurant, something where it's this fun thing where we're building unity.


Now, I would recommend that it is not everybody has to do it in order to get a Pebble.

Because then you're going to have a kid maybe who is having a bad day and another kid is going to say like, hey, don't ruin this for the rest of us.

And so if they don't, put a Pebble in, right?


Like not just not having one person's actions decide other people's results, if that makes sense, right?

So individualizing it as much as possible, just making it something fun.

They could do a sticker each time they do it on the challenge.

Your family could do an activity, go bowling, whatever it is you want to do, just keeping it this fun team building.


And if you want mom and dad to do it as well, even better, right?

How fun to play games with your kids and how fun to compliment them.

Compliment them and tell them what they how they're awesome and how they're doing well.

So just something fun to then implement the tools I'm going to teach you to then giving your family some momentum to keep moving forward.


So I know how frustrating it can be when your kids are not getting along.

And so I thought that this would be a fun idea to help your family start moving in the right direction.

I'm going to be teaching this class Thursday May 16th at 7:00 PM Mountain Time, and I will be recording the class and sending out the replay for everyone who registered.


If you are not able to attend it live, I will be answering questions at the end, so if you are not able to attend, attend it live.

Just make sure to e-mail me your questions beforehand so I can help you navigate your obstacles and help you to get past your challenges to really help create the culture, the mood, the the relationships that you want to create in your home.


So you can register at and go to my shop page, you'll see it there or I'll have the link in the show notes on my Instagram bio.

And summer is quickly approaching.

So what a perfect time to really help your family to Start learning how to get along, how to have peace in your home.


Now I will tell you if you were in Mama's members, there is no there.

You do not need to register for this because I will be teaching this class in Mama's members as well, giving you the sibling challenge.

So you don't need to do, you don't need to register for the class unless you really want to hear it twice.

But that's completely up to you.


So I would love to see you there.

Seating is limited and I would love to help you really create sibling success in your home.

Talk to you next week.

Have a good one, friends.


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